Saturday, 27 February 2010


"And this apartment is starving for an argument. 
Anything at all to break the silence. 
So don't be a liar, don't say that "everything's working". 
When everything's broken..."

 So here we are once more. Sitting alone in my room listening to Dashboard Confessional, wishing my life wasn't so damn monotonous and dull. It seems I only do one of two things every evening these days. Either go round my friends, get high and chill with her, her girlfriend n whoever happens to be there. (Which I do love doing.) Or if shes busy then I end up staying in getting high by myself watching LOST or Bleach or whatever else there is to watch. Which is fine every once in while. But not most nights. It seems like I rely on her to let me come round. Otherwise I know I'm going to be bored and alone.
The reason for this is my severe lack of income. And therefore I can't afford to go out. This also poses another problem for me. I am also left wanting in the relationship area of my life. And the reason for this is I don't have any "options" for want of a better term. I have no posibilites with any of the females in my life. And the fact that I never go out means I'm not likely to find someone, to create a posibility. It's not a problem for my friend not going out because she has her girlfriend. And don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them. But it leaves me high n dry. 
So the question remains, what am I going to do? How am I going to solve my problems and make things better. Because theres no fucking way I'm going to just wallow in a pathetic self pitious mess. I need to do something about it. To quote Jack Shepard from LOST, "I need to fix this." I need a plan. A good one. 
For starters, I need to sort out some sort of income. I need to go find out if I'm able to get a bursary first of all. Then I need to go to the bank and sort out my student overdraft. That will get me back on my feet somewhat. I also need to try and find some sort of job. And also get some gigs. If I can do all of that then my income will be well and truely sorted.
After I've done that, I need to start going out more. Super Fridays are a possibility once ina while because they are so cheap. But my ideal enviroment for finding females would be a bar. Being a magician that's where I can "work my magic" as it were. I've already come up with a couple of pretty strong openers to get into a conversation with some girls. They will need to be tried and tested ofc, but they should be fine. 
So yeah, those are some thoughts to act upon to help improve my life at the moment. I guess I'm just thinking out loud, so to speak, with this post. As I say with most of my ramblings, I don't expect anyone to actually read these. They are more of a way for me to help understand my feelings, and whats going on in this brain box of mine. 

Oh yeah, I went to the hill this morning at 6:30am to have a spliff and see the sun rise. It was nice, sitting on the hill, watching the world wake up. I should do that more often, and hopefully soon I'll be able to share it with someone. Hopefully...

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