Saturday, 27 February 2010


"And this apartment is starving for an argument. 
Anything at all to break the silence. 
So don't be a liar, don't say that "everything's working". 
When everything's broken..."

 So here we are once more. Sitting alone in my room listening to Dashboard Confessional, wishing my life wasn't so damn monotonous and dull. It seems I only do one of two things every evening these days. Either go round my friends, get high and chill with her, her girlfriend n whoever happens to be there. (Which I do love doing.) Or if shes busy then I end up staying in getting high by myself watching LOST or Bleach or whatever else there is to watch. Which is fine every once in while. But not most nights. It seems like I rely on her to let me come round. Otherwise I know I'm going to be bored and alone.
The reason for this is my severe lack of income. And therefore I can't afford to go out. This also poses another problem for me. I am also left wanting in the relationship area of my life. And the reason for this is I don't have any "options" for want of a better term. I have no posibilites with any of the females in my life. And the fact that I never go out means I'm not likely to find someone, to create a posibility. It's not a problem for my friend not going out because she has her girlfriend. And don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them. But it leaves me high n dry. 
So the question remains, what am I going to do? How am I going to solve my problems and make things better. Because theres no fucking way I'm going to just wallow in a pathetic self pitious mess. I need to do something about it. To quote Jack Shepard from LOST, "I need to fix this." I need a plan. A good one. 
For starters, I need to sort out some sort of income. I need to go find out if I'm able to get a bursary first of all. Then I need to go to the bank and sort out my student overdraft. That will get me back on my feet somewhat. I also need to try and find some sort of job. And also get some gigs. If I can do all of that then my income will be well and truely sorted.
After I've done that, I need to start going out more. Super Fridays are a possibility once ina while because they are so cheap. But my ideal enviroment for finding females would be a bar. Being a magician that's where I can "work my magic" as it were. I've already come up with a couple of pretty strong openers to get into a conversation with some girls. They will need to be tried and tested ofc, but they should be fine. 
So yeah, those are some thoughts to act upon to help improve my life at the moment. I guess I'm just thinking out loud, so to speak, with this post. As I say with most of my ramblings, I don't expect anyone to actually read these. They are more of a way for me to help understand my feelings, and whats going on in this brain box of mine. 

Oh yeah, I went to the hill this morning at 6:30am to have a spliff and see the sun rise. It was nice, sitting on the hill, watching the world wake up. I should do that more often, and hopefully soon I'll be able to share it with someone. Hopefully...

Saturday, 30 January 2010

Half Empty?

Greetings. It has been a long while since my last post. I guess I haven't really had a lot to say. There's not been a whole lot going on in my life at the moment, especially not things on the "half full" side anyways. I have constant worries that plague my mind at present. Worries that directly effect me and my life, things that cannot be ignored. 
For example, the main one has to be finance. I haven't had a source of income since I started Uni and now my funds are running dangerously low. I need to aquire some sort of "job" and soon. I did think I had it sorted for a little while. Being a free-lance editor for The World Magic Shop. But I may have blown that chance now. By being predictable unreliable me. I may not have completely ruined my chances but things don't look too good. 
I also need to start getting some magic gigs, because they are a wonderful source of income when you get them. But before I can even start thinking about more gigs, I need a routine in order to perform at said gigs. So I can't see many of those in the near future, but I will try and work hard to get a routine in order to start looking for more gigs. So that is a plan for future finance. 
But that leaves no substancial job in the near future, which is what I primarily need to focus on. Ergo I need to find some sort of normal everyday part time job. Which is what I was trying to avoid. I will try and focus on obtaining one in a bar as I can then continue my less than ethical magic to obtain even more money. But whether I will be able to aquire a job in a local bar is another story, we will have to wait and see.
Oh and there is the far more shady source of income me and my best friend should hopefully be entering into as soon as he gets himself sorted. Which should help somewhat.

Another worry playing on my mind is that of my currently relationship. I wont go into detail as I do not wish too, not that anybody is really even reading things. But even so. All I shall divulge into that area of my life is I'm not sure it's going to stay the same for very long.

There are a lot of worries playing on my mind I dare not speak aloud, possibly because that will make them "real" and I would be more obligated to deal with them. So I will lay still my tongue and leave you on this note of distain. I hope it has not left a too bitter taste in your mouth for any of those still reading...

Thursday, 7 January 2010

The Escape Artist

Every word that you say passes through my ears
Before it even escapes your lips
No one learns from someone they hate.
Your mouth is like a grenade, blowing everyone away.

2010. A New Year. A New Start. - Well hello there. I know it's been a while. But I shall try to write new blogs more often from now on.
A lot has happened to me since the last time I blogged. And I shall take you through a few of those things now;

Firstly, and most importantly. I have a new girlfriend. FINALLY! It has been a few years since my last proper girlfriend. Yes there were the odd 'flings' here and there. And for want of a better term, 'one night stands'. But other than that, nothing 'real'. Nothing like this. I've finally found a girl worth keeping. She's incredible. And gorgeous. I could go on, and I'd like to, but I wont. So yes that is a big improvement in my life and I'm extact about it!

As you will have read in my previous blog, I did not get to go to Paris. But it worked out better for me in the long run. It gave me more time to practise & prepare for my show. (Which I will write about on my performer blog soon) and also it ment that instead for Christmas I got a PS3. Which I absolutely love! It's also a great help as I once more have a DVD player. So I'll be investing many hours in that, especially once I aquire more games for it.

I suppose next to mention on the agenda would be New Years. Well, to sum up, New Years was EPIC. An awesome drug fueled rave in my room at Uni. And I spent it with three of my favourite people, my best friend Tyler-Durden, my now incredible girlfriend Jod and the lovely Lu. I couldn't even begin to explain what occured that night, but there are plenty of photo's on my facebook and a rather amusing video. Lest it be said it was the most incredible New Years EVER.

Now bringing you up to more current affairs I am back residing at Uni. Ready to start my course once more on Monday 11th. I have taken up yet another form of manipulation to acompany the cards and coins, Zippo Manipulation. I have FINALLY aquired a Zippo Lighter, (a rather stunning old school tattoo style zippo) and have started learning Zippo Manipulation (along with my close friend Bec). So that will keep my hands busy, along with certain other 'things' hehe.
Also after purchasing my zippo I decided I wanted a traditional old school Swallow tattoo on my right foot. I've been discussing this with my friend Josie who does the Fine Art Course at Uni and is an amazing Tattoo Artist, and we've worked out a design, colour scheme and a price. And I should be getting "coloured in" as she so playfully puts it, later one this month.

So all in all a very good start to a new year. And lots to look forward to with spending time with my Girlfriend, learning new Zippo, Card and Coin Manipualation along with other forms of Geek Magic. And some rather awesome gigs comming up this year. I say this every year but this time I have real hope for it, 2010 looks like it's going to be an awesome year!