Saturday, 17 October 2009


So here I am, back on square one. Such a familiar place, the cigarette ends of reminisce. The empty beer bottles of regret. Such familiar surroundings. Always with the urge to leave this place, never remembering where I left the key. And so I'm searching, looking for this key. So I can unlock the door and leave this place. Enter the real world, feel the sun great my pale face once more, and see a smiling face waiting for me on the other side, that warms my soul.

I did not come to this place in search of a relationship. But now I'm here and settled I find myself wanting. Not needing, oh no. But defiantly wanting something. I wonder what it is about our nature that makes us want to have someone else in our lives to make us happy. Is it not enough sometimes that we can make ourselves happy.

I for one have discovered the method behind making myself happy, and under most circumstances can achieve happiness with little bother. So why do I now feel the need to find someone to share my life with right now?

I was fine, for the past few months I wasn't looking for anything. But then I had an attack of nostalgia thinking about one of my ex's and remembered how good it felt when we were together. (If I'm completely honest I'm feeling that as I type this). And made me want to have those feelings again.

Relationships & Feelings make people do crazy things. I have a friend who split up with her boyfriend a month or so ago. And has decided to keep his child because it's the last remaining thing of him in her life and she doesn't want to kill that off. - Now to me that is the worst reason for keeping a child, especially at our age. But I'm sure in her head it makes perfect sense. It's true, love makes us do crazy things. Some more crazy than others. But it's true none the less. I've done my fair share. Once I even drove all the way from mine to Solihull in the middle of the night just to give my ex a letter I'd wrote to try n explain what I thought I had done wrong and apologising for it. I drove straight back home afterwards.

So I guess the point of my pondering is why do we feel the need to be in a relationship, why do we do such crazy things for this feeling we call "love" and is it all really worth it.


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