Monday, 26 October 2009


I am a trawler, awash in a raging sea. With no sense of direction, or a sense of purpose. With no course in which to set sail. I am alone, I am isolated. I.Am.Lost...

Finally, I have awoken. From this aesthetic day dream I once perceived for reality. Only to find myself alone. Those who I hold most dear to me having lost all faith in me. And most importantly, having lost faith in myself. I am lost, in the forest of my own mind. Having made a wrong turn, unable to find my way back to the path I once walked. Stumbling through the darkness, searching desperately for the light. Unable to do so.

I am a hollow shell of my former self. Leaving me disgusted with what looks back at me in the mirror, and the little self respect I have left. When you do not like what you see in the mirror, what is there to do? I've been asking myself this very question. And I'm pretty sure I have the answer. Fight.

I'm not going to stand here and accept what I've become; those who do truly are lost. And may never be found. Because in order to be found, you must WANT to be found. No, I'm not going to roll over and die. Fuck that. I'm going to take a step back, assess my situation. Wipe my mind clear, and sort this shit out. I WILL struggle & fight my way through the darkness and tree's until I find that path which I once trod.

But this time I will make sure I do not stray from it again. I will stumble & fall. But I will pick myself back up and continue onward. Always heading forward. Because I have the heart, & passion to do this. No matter what obstacles I may face along the way, I shall overcome them. And master my own mind. I will once again drive my own bus (to quote an NLP concept).

I will throw off my metaphysical cape and lay down my wand (to coin a Daniel Madison phrase) and hermit myself for a while. To search for my identity, and discover who I really am. To discover my purpose. I refuse to lose myself completely. I won't let my spectators down, I WONT let my friends down, I RE-FUCKING-FUSE to let my self down. I will rise from the ashes of my failures and like a phoenix be re-born anew.

Look out world, my true potential WILL be unleashed upon you.

Mark My Words...

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